The radix or subscript is pretty based. Don’t take LSD its not worth it, it should be left behind. The MSD makes things happen though. Now the Integer is integral and helps you get to the point. After that its fractionally important. Zeros are annoying but they serve a place holder. Deci ten, bi two, weighting is pretty simple, 1, 2, then a 10 and then 11 100 101 was good times and we had five people living there. 1001 is as high as the clock goes.

Now the decimals are powers of that number, adding up. base 8 is just like base 10 if you are missing two fingers.

Octal, as it is. The Hexa matters in computers because its at 256 by digit 2.  In base 16 lets 45.

BDC is the four digits mess. The clock is in BCD.

Gate is a place where two ore more and one output.

The symbole represents the function. The Function is the out put, like when the symbol is a middle finger, the output, or function, well, the function starts with FU.

High is 1 low is 0.


Just remember, negations are when a low is required to satisfy. Dating a woman with a negation indicator would be nice because every time you forget her birthday shed be really impressed.

Now, Lets go to the gates, and is the flat bump, like a pregnancy, its either a boy a girl or twins. And means twins. Nand is not twins.

oR IS LIKE ORE, theres gold in them thar hills. Either iron or ore, ore both. NOR means gotta head north nothin here, hence the top symbol open.

XOR because Xmarks the spot, its the middle. XNOR, is not target, outside the loop. Buffers isolate gates, like the sec for buffers so nobody drives through it matches impedence, like slows the speed off base to a safe level for on base. . Inverter, its like a bizarre gate 180 degrees out of phase.


RS, remember the pick up line, you must be a 1 because I am Set on You. D types are just data plus time, t types are simple astable multivibrators, JKs are jokes. Like theres not the same joke not retold. If its a Joke and its a Knock knock joke it switches the state. If its a Joke its Q and if its a knock don’t answer.

Sample is where the analog goes volt, held on a capacitor, compared to the sweep, digitized by the ffa and then cleared.


Resolution is accuracy, The per bit bit is basically a binary assumption, the amount of bits is the power of two fraction.


networks: The casing holds components to process data. Control carries CPU commands, address carries address information of which device, data bus carries actual data,

You don’t always know who gets a telegram.

Application is interface, presnt is code, session is c to c contact, transport is packaging, network is addressing, and traffic, data is framing, physical is physical.


TCP IP, the t is for transmission.


Appl ayer the HTO is transport, the goes with addressing and the network layer moves.

Choke Some Dank.  Those are the three words.

Network and Host. No Homo.

Everything else is classified.





How My Ex and I communicate as an AM/FM Radio Analogy

Okay lets face it, this has worked out about as well as receving an AM signal without a modulator.


Like you sent a message and the Control Unit of your phone passed information into a synthesizer. It converted your message into a an RF output and unfortunately for you God decided the Frequency was “no appeal” and and the transmitter in her brain unmodulated using that same carrier.  This synthesizer output was at the core of your problem. The DC input (how much you care) didn’t matter a whole lot. The phase locked loop was “it won’t work” and God kept it on that. It is in his holy power to change the frequency, like he did on initial reception.  The control unit hit the frequency divider and combined with the Voltage via FDD and Regenerative Feedback went into a band pass, was oscillated to “she just ain’t that into you” and was amplified into pure desparation.


Well, let’s look at  how things started. She used her control box or phone to send you her number, then once hooked in, her modulation of liking a ton of posts on your facestagram or whatever hit an RF amplifier to go out as “come get some honey, bunny” and in your brain the AM recieved wave hit the AMP, it was so obvious that even over the distance of you being dense af the sensitivity was enough to pick up what she dropping.  Your RF mixer split this into injection and because you’re hetero was able to figure out the intermediate frequency, as in its low bro unlike going all m’lady and still higher than the dialed frequency of your dirty mind.  This was the only frequency to be demodulated. This was amplified again,  making selectivity happen. For her it allowed her to pick you from among the many similar guys as being worthy of attention. hua.

Now the detector was where your guy brain diode rectified everything she said into what you wanted to hear.

Now, lets make womens brains an FM filter since they are basically nuts. Theres no control box or synthesizer. Shes gonna take an idea and oscillate it, you know, “i’m fine, you’re fine” and expect me to translate it. Then you have the Limiter, which is like when they send mixed signals. The difference between “I’m fine” and the bad “i’m fine.” is only 5%.  Then the multiplier. Like when a woman says the same thing but it could mean ANYTHING from how its said, the frequency multiplier. .. if she says it a lot, she ain’t fine.  Then it gets powered and sent out.


Lets say women get to stay FM for reception of the message. The recieved wave hits their ear, the receiver.. it is very sensitive and gets anything.. sensitivity is how much they care.. if the sensitivity is low, they won’t hear you no matter how loud you are. The mixer is again.. lol hetero.. where you take the actual RF signal and decide how you want to interpret it. You can seperate what I, the guy said, from what I said and get the intermediate frequency because its somewhere between what I said and what you want to hear. Again its lower than received because its not as good as I thought it sounded but hey, its not the WORST thing I could have said.


The IF AMP boosts this and takes what I said through your interpretation and boosts it EVEN MORE out of context. The limiter is going to be the limit on amplification, as in you can only take it to so much of an extreme before it doesnt even make sense when you say it back to me. It will remove those completely insane interpretations.. thats why your smarter and you’re right honey, its the only thing not able to be amplitude boosted out of context by the limiter.

The Discriminator is again the change between voltages in input frequencies, so what you say and how often you say it has an effect. The final step is the audio amp, which is where it turns into actual noise.

Okay that’s enough. Done.







This is mostly a way to disentangle my brain so I can continue to do a really good job in tech school. In a little bit CQ duty starts so its going to be fast.  In that end I’m just replaying some stuff in my head and putting it on page so I can get myself to move on.

Step 1: I don’t throw money in the collection plate for no reason. If G man upstairs had wanted things to work out, it’d have happened. Instead I’m here and she’s there.

Step 2: I made enough positive inroads, all the initative work to get us started. Hell I dropped all the game to get us to where things broke off and we have to hit the reset button every five seconds it’s not worth it.

Step 3: Because you go back to biblical examples, just recall how you’ve capsized things in the past. Every woman substantially out of your league you’ve had 3 ways to go, the right way, the wrong way and the hardcore Jesus freak way. You’ve only done the previous way this one time, so stick with it and see what happens. You saw what happened when you were a complete head game and only included God to the extent of taking her on a first date to church and sending her poetry basically in order as you read through song of Solomon. Now you’re at a solid impass, and your thinking about Abraham and Sarah, she tried to force Gods plan faster and sent Hagar in and bro your going to wait, you’re going to wait until its Gods time. Remember the Sermon today, this is the God who split the red sea and lifted Christ out of the Grave. Look where he’s put you now, it’s like every day your getting chipped away at and worked into a sword. From the dull block that rolled off the bus just think, you will be carved into a sword and then hammered into a plowshare.

Do not allow your lying heart and foolish mind to distract you from this.


Back Up:


Last time I wrote I told you I would talk about the multiple dates at once, and she agreed it was a good idea, apparently she had some other guy asking her out and I was like “bring it” and she naturally turned down going out with the other dude and the dumb chick I was chasing at the time was literally just not as into me as I would have expected, I mean I’m expecting to drop $30 on a date here I EXPECT some enthusiasm. Like, it’s a Wye Delta synchro, and I expect a substantial step up in current from her. Eh, maybe its just all happening so that special someone on the other end of my AC circuit gets rotated in accordance to the TR of Gods plan.

Or maybe these multiple ladies are working as a shunt regulator to control voltage across the load of my heard so that all this excess voltage gets burned off in pointless resistance and what could easily be an infinite limit of other things to waste my time.  And since we’re here its time to add I got into law school, its not even the going that matters but just knowing I got into the one I wanted makes me ridiculously giddy.




Can You Date Multiple Women at Once and Be Christian



Yesterday at Bible Study a couple of friends and I started chatting and one of them sugested I write about it.


The concept was discipleschip. That got me thinking about what it means to make a good disciple. Discipleship, to the myTimmy next to me, doesn’t really matter enough to talk about.  Then he asked how things are going. I told him about my Grad School plans.

Back in 6th Grade we had this thing called, “Going Steady” which meant that you were going to advance from dating to being a solidly one partner deal. Only one person would get a can of Soda Pop or that extra snickers bar.  It was pretty intense.

But Jacob had four wives. In Genesis over the course of two chapters he goes from 0 to 2.  Wife in ancient Hebrew, Isha, has the same meaning as woman.

There is very little in the Bible about Courtship, in fact most of the time the dating phase seems very brief if existent at all.

Now we would all like to wander like John Denver:

But my experience seems to be that hastiness leads us more to :

And thus we wander into :
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
 -Proverbs 4:23

Bring to my m ind the inevitable relationship between guards with swords and shields and our own hearts, turning what should be this:

Into this:

But we are called to be forever joyful, pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit, do not despise utterance of Prophecy, but test them all; hold on to what is good, and abstain from every form of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-20

So lets assume every possible date you go on has the attached implication of X, where X is, (if everything goes perfectly from now to the end of time marriage is the inevitable result.)  Y would be “turning me down says you are not worthy of my attention”.

To accept X in only one instance at a time implies Y to all people you refuse to date on a multiple in this period. That would be like a financial trader putting all his money on one stock in a simple buy. What we are looking for until we have the exclusive boundary of marriage is an index fund, and a complex portfolio of Options. There will be fluctuations in our relationships as with our Friends. Case in point, my buddy Brent is pissed at me and will be for the foreseeable future. instead of trying to fix things up with him I’m just letting him take some midol and chill out for a bit until he gets his head screwed on straight. Until then I’ve got plenty of other people to drink beer and go play golf with.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

13, for it is God who works in you, to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

Wew. Got that out of the way.

So Christ had 12 disciples, and if we look at dating as a form of mutual discipleship in the movement towards uniting as one body, then it makes sense to have as many disciples as possible. Obviously being Christian there are strict rules on what kind of discipleship you can have, and the inevitable clash with hookup culture is thus that no amount of clarification can avoid some uncomfortable discussions, but at the same time exclusivity ads a pressure of identity morphing and disallows a key aspect of free market capitalism: Competition.

Now that we have a solid scriptural basis here, the only solution is to go ahead and run it by my date tonight and see how well she takes it. I will report back if still alive.

Boy Scouts Better than Girl Scouts

When Given the Choice: Everyone Wants to be in the Boy Scouts

Robert Baden Powell started the Boy Scouts to drag boys outside and to experience the rugged toughness required to lead. This happened as a result of his witness to the toughness of the youth in India and how they were used to hardship and pain to a level the British male youth was not, and then as he clearly enunciated in his books on Scouting, the work of the youth in the Mafeking Cadet Corps during his service in the Boer Wars.


Why We Need Boys to Toughen Up

I Have Two Hatchets:

I have to clarify that from my listening to former scouts, my experience was extremely different from theirs. The adults in our group were composed of mostly ‘Nam veterans and a professional rock climber who was offered a shot at Everest back when it was invite only(now you can just pay out the nose for the opportunity to have a Sherpa drag your stuff up for you.)

Perhaps the most important leadership decision happened on Toten’Chit day. The Toten’Chit, for you rubes out there, is a card given to a Scout that allows them to carry a knife. When an infraction to knife safety occurs, any outranking scout can take the card and cut a corner off of it. When all four corners are gone, so are knife or blade privileges.

So on knife safety day, all I remember is my buddy, who I will conceal the identity of with an made up name: Collin. Collin is messing around with the hatchets, goofing around holding one in each hand and Seth, who was leading the class, demands his Toten’Chit.

“Give me your toten’chit because I’m going to take a corner off of it.” -Seth
“I have two hatchets.” -Colin

“I outrank you” -Seth

“I don’t think you understand what I just said, I have two hatchets.

The inference was that Seth had no hatchets and thus was wildly out gunned(out-hatcheted?) We hiked up mountains were other people going up literally the same day died. We were 12. Leeches, snakebites, fist fights just to see who would win were a big part of my childhood. We had a guy with six black belts and we played “Can you Take Scott Down” and almost nobody could.  We had a guy flip out and get pissed off and just wave around a giant branch literally larger than him while it was on fire.  This was not to impress girls, this was because we were boys being boys. We also cooked, cleaned our pots, and developed advanced methods of keeping our tents dry during rainstorms.

And late at night on camping trips after the dads went to bed, we’d screw around, sabotage each others tents, just horrible stuff. The fathers knew this was going on, and they allowed it. But when it was time to be in formation in our Class A uniforms, discipline was profoundly strict and absolutely nothing was tolerated. The Fathers played a serious role in discipline.

There were a lot of lessons in leadership that served me in the real world when it came time to hire and  discipline employees. Getting promoted over people really just means you work for them.

And here’s the thing: There are girls who could have handled that. They would have enjoyed the experience and we would have liked having them along. But what is the goal of the Boy Scouts?

Eagle Scout Versus A College Degree

“The BSA’s record of producing leaders with high character and integrity is amazing” said Randall Stephenson, BSA’s national board chairman. “I’ve seen nothing that develops leadership skills and discipline like this organization. It is time to make these outstanding leadership development programs available to girls.”

If you enlist in the Military Today, (enlist, not commission) an Eagle Scout starts as an E-3, and a college degree counts the same amount: E-3. Texas A&M has a fast track to get in called “wanting to join the Corps of Cadets and Also an Eagle Scout” because the role of Boy Scouting is to create good leaders. There is no way to explain this without biblical terms:

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
 Ephesians 5:23

The reason boys need to be outside getting cut, fighting, tying knots, learning to self sustain and deal with the harsh reality of life is because being the kind of leader others will choose to follow matters.  That being able to make sacrifices to help others isn’t heroic, or even abnormal, but just merely expected as part of the job. When men are being trained to make sacrifices and toughen up, running up a mountain with their dads and getting into fights and starting fires makes sense. Learning how to handle a knife safely makes sense. Understanding that when you get bit by a snake, you die and there’s nobody to sue that will bring you back makes sense. When you take God out of the equation you just have a bunch of kids in la la land milquetoasting it up.

For the feminists who ask, “well what about men who have a female boss at work?” Don’t worry, God has an explanation for that too, and for those men with women ruling over them, maybe it’s a sign that that God is trying to teach them to get over their issues with women. Maybe God has appointed a woman over you because you are a bad Christian leader, she can do a better job and you need to learn. After all:

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. -Romans 13:1


In January, the Boy Scouts decided to Allow Transgender Kids in:

As of Today they are Allowing Girls to Join:

So What Of the Gold Award?
The Girl Scouts has the Gold Award.  This story basically highlights that people don’t respect the Gold Award. It earns the same rank advancement in the military as an Eagle. The Girl Scouts has made a name for itself as the best source of Cookies in America, and has inspired the best business decision ever: Industrious young girls setting up cookie sales outside of marijuana dispensaries.

That is a good start to a Proverbs 31 women.(For you atheists out there, a Proverbs 31 woman is a term for a smart diligent hardworking Christian female who can handle finances, make shrewd business decisions in a Godly manner, a blessing to her husband, said to be more precious than a Ruby.)


Men and women are different. Women Athletes are more prone to knee injuries, A college softball championship game can go 15 innings and not make the news. Andy Kaufman wrestled Women:

And that brings us to the final issue:

Some Guys are Dirtbags:

The adulterous woman is mentioned 65 times in Proverbs, but a quick glance of the bible shows that even King David couldn’t help himself when it came to the attractions of women. Like it or not, sex has an impact, and if grown men fight over women, what does this mean for teenagers? In the societal assault on women, hypersexualizing them and convincing them that hook up culture leads somewhere other than ruin, intermingling Boy Scouts and Girls looks like just an attempt by parents to hope their daughter meets a quality husband before the world takes ahold of them.

The Claim Used by Scouting:

Families today are busier and more diverse than ever. Most are dual-earners and there are more single-parent households than ever before [1], making convenient programs that serve the whole family more appealing. Additionally, many groups currently underserved by Scouting, including the Hispanic and Asian communities, prefer to participate in activities as a family. Recent surveys [2] of parents not involved with Scouting showed high interest in getting their daughters signed up for programs like Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, with 90 percent expressing interest in a program like Cub Scouts and 87 percent expressing interest in a program like Boy Scouts. Education experts also evaluated the curriculum and content and confirmed relevancy of the program for young women.”

What Scouting offers is Good. Why not allow Girls to join? 87% of Parent involved in Scouting want what Boy Scouts has and not what Girl Scouts offers. The solution, instead of making Girl Scouts better, is to convert Boy Scouts into a Gender Neutral environment.  There is nothing wrong with this if you do not believe in a religious difference in the sexes.

That being said, the experiences I had in Boy Scouts would probably benefit women, but the goals and roles for women in scouting would be to develop into a quality Proverbs 31 woman, good with her hands and capable of discerning good men from bad, which is entirely a separate entity from the sort of rigid paramilitary structure that the Boy Scouts currently fosters.

Sending a bunch of teenage boys and girls to go camping in the woods with the kind of poor supervision we had in  dangerous environments works great in single gender but as a CoEd endeavor has disaster written all over it unless you like babies.


Brutalized by Kronos

The tick adds wrinkles.

For time fuming hate.

Deprecated badly

a trust mismanaged.

Shrinking daily.

soon we will hit zero.

until then on great one.

looking down on little old me

let not the swing of the scythe land

until my work has proceeded

having sown wild seeds in the brush

and yielded a fine crop of youngsters

depart from this plane on a little bed

with wrinkled sheets because i am bad at things

and if i can hardly write a fully symphony without mistakes

how on earth can death have dignity without a flaw or two

little memories in the last few moments of consciousness

fleeting on the things left complete and incomplete

are there going to be things wished said

or things left unspoken when the power to

yield oxygenated thought departs my lips?

Oh-blivious. Let me transport into oblivion be a peaceful one.

surrounded not with dischord and fight, but with a yearning glowing peace.

moving off like a long awaited bus appearing out of the rain

to move me on to a better destination with a sigh of relief!






Decisiveness and Lack of Regret

I’m still processing this, and break up is the wrong word since we technically only went out a few times, but I’m able to get over things not working out with my friend this summer. Now luckily my mind when I think about what I did this summer, the images of Montana and Idaho come to mind. That and driving across the state of Washington at 5 am as the farming equipment rolls into work.  Going through Casper as thunderstorm rolled in, deciding that Butte Montana rocks more than Bozeman.

Basically I decided to be super decisive in our relationship and drive some stakes in the sand so that there would be no wiffle waffling.  It felt good and looking back even the stuff I did not enjoy doing, but allowed us to connect psychologically on a level of crazy that I’ve never really revealed to anyone else. That’s the reward of openly discussing the role of God and Christ.  That’s the nuts and bolts of the psyche revealed and sets a road map for things to come.

There are no “I should have said” moments for me, no things I could have done different. And looking at some of my friends who are now hitting major snags in their relationships, I’m glad I went the way I did. It feels like when you go to the gym and try to hit a PR. Did it work? Nah, but it wasn’t like there was something else you could have done at the moment, just practice more in the future.

The real upside, again, is decisiveness. Add to that the fact that of the women I’ve been shot down by around 100% have reached out to me wanting a second shot. But that is not worth thinking about. I’ve got my head shots for my commercial print agent(model) and a battery of interviews for teaching(rare certs in SpEd and Composite Science) and it’s good for my head space to be in demand.  Thank you God.

It seems weird that this summer I went through like seven states and a million states of mind. Driving to Denver was an ocean of grass, sand and mesquite. New Mexico has a rolling planes aspect to it that just blew me away.  Turning all of America into a single blur of Tetons, rolling planes and flashing sea has done some tricky things to my brain chemistry. Adding to that a deepening of my theological study through reading the life of George Washington, listening in depth to Matt Chandler, and going down the rabbit hole of obsession towards God’s will to the point that my own sanity got tenuous at best has settled into my soul he notion that my internal struggles and doubts matter much less than my external acts of faith..

Now spare me the work versus faith argument. But recall as Christ stated, “two men are asked by their father to go work in the field, one immediately agrees but does not go, the other declines and actually shows up, who has done the will of his father”

Me, I showed up and did it. It felt bad and weird and was hard but the work was good and I did it. Hooray. 🙂

Heh, Oops

This summer I managed to turn to Christ and take a relationship that was going to crash and burn anyway and use it for his glory. It was great in the middle of the horrific facebook spatfest which is how all love blossoms and now I’m in a myopic state wondering if there’s any chance of me to avoid dying alone ever again. The answer, by the way, is no, there’s no way, I’ll find someone else but when I do die it will be alone, because you can’t really die with someone else. Like, even if you are in a suicide pact, at the moment of your passing, there is no one else there.

Yeah, the holy spirit is always present, but bear with me, there’s no other physical person in your person at the moment you die. It happens alone. Okay I just literally had a girl walk up and say hi to me at the coffee shop and I am frozen trying to remember if I was literally eating a booger right when she walked up or not.

Like here’s the thing about me, I’m a super physically attractive guy. I know this, I don’t want to believe it but I’m a commercial print model and it just makes sense to roll with it in the understanding that what I do carries weight in this world and who am I kid.

It bothers me that a physical relationship is easy with good looks but the second you try and get emotional and talk about feelings with women in the modern sense as an alternative to hooking up you get into an awkward tidal pool. Like how do you deal with that. It took me years to notice that women make sexual advances and if you don’t respond to them they move on , and it still bothers me that there is a middle ground that has to happen where you have to demonstrate a capability to deal with the sexual aspect of male female interaction without going into inappropriate territory. I tried to do this by simply diverting to marriage when it comes up but that didn’t work. It could have just been the individual but seriously.. this really bothers me.

Like now when ladies approach me I treat them like long lost friends who add me on facebook. It’s only a matter of time before they ask for money. or in this case of ladies its only a matter of time before they make a pas indicating they think I cam cute and want to hook up. Then if I try and get into a discussion on feelings and emotions or ask if they want a relationship they back off and distance themselves which make me feel a little objectified like I’m just a tick box to be marked off. I have feelings too, you know.

The reason I’m still broken up about the last relationship is because it ALMOST worked. I have to believe that God had a hand in it because there were so many decisive moments where it seemed sensible to me to err on the side dropping a mushroom cloud level line, as in, this will either end the war or kick the ant pile, and right up until the end it worked.

But then you get caught in  escalation mode, where you forever have to up the ante doing or saying more extreme things to get attention and that leads to a dark path and I’m not going down it.

The lady across from me just looked up and smiled, we had a conversation. This is so stupid. Like dating as Christian in the , “I’m in this for the long term with no sex until marriage is like selling healthy food at the state fair.”

I had to barf that out.












Gravity happens to apply 9.8 M/s/s acceleration on all things. A lead weight and a rubber ducky are equally pulled by gravity.  That, my friends, is reality. If you take two people, and drop them off of a tower, they will accelerate at the same rate, reach the same speeds, and land at the same velocity, reaching 0 Miles per hour at about the same time. If one of them is ‘keeping it real’ this will not in any way affect their speed, and if one of them is completely delusional, they will be equally impacted.  So to start with, take any notion of ‘keeping it real’ and toss it out the window. 9.8 M/s/s.

Now, this world has a fetish for identity, a quest in the west to find the true self and be the most authentic person possible. True to you, as it were. On the surface this sounds great, but that’s a really dangerous path that can lead to some insane conclusions. For starters, let’s begin with the physical sense of being a creature whose genetics have scientifically imprinted a sense of true self in the physical make up of our beings. Sounds pretty authentic, right? Yeah, until a kid has depression or manic phases or a birth defect. While not all mental conditions are bad(as a teacher I am always concerned when autistic students are criticized for ‘not talking’ because frankly, I talk wayyy too much). Or, to go completely off the rails, what if you were born with an inherent desire to become a serial killer? The idea of picking up a hitchhiker on the side of the road and putting them in three different trashbags hits a deep sense of purpose in your life that sincerely agrees with every cell of your body? Not good amigo.

So after trashing the physical sense of identity(I realize I left out physical form, which is a good way to identify true self until you get into a serious car accident), let’s set our guns on the purely psychic sense of identity. Identify, if you will, yourself as a champion weightlifter. Tell yourself that you are the strongest person on earth, do it for a whole week, look in the mirror and think, “I can deadlift 1,000 pounds” every single day. Then after week of this, go to the gym, put about half a ton of plates on a bar and try to lift it up. There is obviously some connection between an authentic true self and physical form.

That or there is a sense of identity that exists completely disconnected from both our physical and psychic sense, which would basically be God, but we don’t have time for that right now, we’re looking at the individual self.

How do we determine the fact that we have parts of our identity that are entirely but not entirely of our physical form? You could move to Sedona Arizona, eat some cactus or lick a jungle toad and document your findings. Maybe look at circumcision, where you get your dingy whacked in order to demonstrate a separation from the normal way of the world. Baptism also works, in an immersion of the senses under water, a change in pressure and deadening of sound as a symbol of rebirth into a new form(even when the old one is essentially unharmed, unscathed, or different. One of the easiest ways would be to review thousands of religious texts over the years and look for a reasonable explanation. Obviously Arjuna and the Archer come to mind. The story goes that Arjuna shows up to three people and hands them a bow and arrow, commanding each one to attempt to strike an eagle on top of a post through the eye with an arrow. The first man takes the bow and Arjuna asks what he sees. The man begins to describe the sky, the weather, the flow of the wind through the grass. Arjuna just takes the bow and asks the next man, the fellow talks about something else but I forgot because I didn’t get an A in that class, and the final guy is asked what he sees, and he states, “the eye of the eagle” and Arjuna says, “take the shot.”

Failing that, the easiest metaphor would be a spin on a highway. When you are driving down the highway, and an obstacle such as a baby or 1998 Mercury Grand Marquis pops up, you need to get out of the way, and this can cause your vehicle to lose traction with the road and begin to spin. Now, assuming our goal is to recover from this spin and get back on track, we have to figure out how to deal with the physics of the world around us in a way that we can handle in a psychic manner to impress upon the forces we actually have control to get back on track.

Scientists have told me the worst thing to do is slam the breaks. That is, in a moment where your personal identity is in tail spin, attempting to toss a wrench in every moving process can lead to disaster. Likewise, the brutish attempt to force yourself out of the problem by slamming the accelerator and strong arming the wheel all the way over can lead to over correction or equally disastrous results.

The way to recover from a skid, according to the experts in the world, requires 2 steps. First, pick a distant target on the horizon that will be the point of reference. For us in our attempt to be a pure authentic self, the goal here makes perfect sense. What is the reference point? What year is it? 2017? The time is based on distance from the death of Christ. Not to be preachy, but Jesus is a reference point that has not changed in about 2017 years. So you pick a reference point that is not going to change so that you can gauge the effects of your spin. From here, with your focus on the unchanging reference point, you can being to take stock of your movement in the moment of Crisis(Christis, hahah, get it?) and in the vehicular analogy, determine if your front or back wheels have lost traction.

In an authentic self way, lets just say, “has our physical or psychic self lost traction?” Are we getting too fat? Are we getting too obsessive over our keto diet and Amazonian Berry Juice? Do we have enough sleep? In this case, the solution is to release a little bit of control, ease off the gas and transfer a bit more weight to the front of our vehicle, the mind. A bit more time organizing the headspace and point it to our reference point will get us on track. The alternative is our headspace going crazy. Overthinking? Hyper-Analyzing, bringing in too much baggage from that time Stacy dumped you in middle school and it’s just like what Lucrecia is doing now, or even being so manic about the next big thing that in our effort to stay positive we’re just jumping from one positive sugar rush to the next? Maybe it’s time to take stock and reposition ourselves, go for a walk outside, and move closer to a calm peaceful center.

The idea of an authentic self may be possible alone, but the studies of the effects on prisoners from solitary confinement seem to indicate isolation has damaging effects. Now, I’m  not sure pet cats count as people, but if the goal is an authentic self, it seems like the surest way to get there is to spend at least a little bit of time organizing your trip there with some people who have the same destination, and in the moment of a spin, the same reference point. 9.8 m/s/s.


About two weeks ago a guy said I should write a piece called, “When the Bible is Hate Speech” and since this guy is not just a friend he’s also, “My Boss” it seemed like a really good idea to do that. A really good idea.

So at first it took me a few minutes to pound out a few hundred words at 4am which amounted to no more than a sort of sleep deprived manifesto. Out of this it dawned on me that  for my friends who teach in Public School, mentioning Faith in Christ in the classroom is one of the scariest subjects. Even when a kid asks, “what church do you go to” there’s a hesitance for fear that you will be put in a position where other students may discover that, in fact, God exists and loves them infinitely.

This can get you in trouble. A few years ago at a stand up comedy club the guy on stage was cracking jokes and asked “If God is so powerful how come he never fools anybody?” and because of my high functioning autism the notion of a rhetorical question seemed alien so I answered him, “What about Jacob?” and then he asked what I meant? Well, I pointed out that god used Jacob “the Deciever” to mislead and double deal a few people. Then the club owner barged up and told me to get out, which was awkward since my date was out getting a beverage and my friends were watching. On my way out the man on stage as laying into me and saying all kinds of mean things about God and I couldn’t help but point out that maybe the guy was misdirecting his anger and that some of the things he blames on God are due to other factors like not getting enough sleep.

The club owner ran towards me at this point, and my friends thought he was going to tackle me but what I’m trying to say is there are people who get really angry at the idea of an invisible entity that loves them.

Mostly because that person has rules. Like how dare a God exist, create everything in existence, and have the audacity to grant us free will, and also give rules and suggest that they are the greatest way to live life? Worse still, that there might be rules with consequences!

Sure, “quit jumping on the bed or you are Grounded” is not as extreme as “believe in Christ or be cast into the fire and burned” but you can’t make an omelete without, you know, heat.